Magnolia Crescendo!

Episode 8 - May 27, 2024

Donna Edwards - the best wife, the best mother - Stephanie Wolfe
Lindsay Edwards - her executive husband - Peter Brown
Debbie Edwards - their misunderstood daughter - Ellie Heath
Peter Edwards - Bowling alley owner - Tom Edwards
Thomas Edwards - ice cream shop owner - Lindsey Walker
Perry Scissorins III - neighbourhood pharmacist -Randy Brososky
Edwarda Scissorins - his wife, local hairdresser - Caley Suliak
Rusty Scissorins - Perry’s evil twin brother - Randy Brososky
Fritz Überalles - German immigrant - Cody Porter
Hildegard Überalles - his wife- Jason Hardwick
Mark Carleton - Donna’s brother, the milkman - Joel Taras
Chet Whetpous - the pool boy - Breck Wiltshire
Lucile Slips - Neighbourhood Gossip and Mary Kay lady - Kelly Turner
Sarah Rose - Donna’s Sister from Europe - Alexandra Dawkins
John Fitzgerald Kennedy - US senator, presidential candidate - Breck Wiltshire
Sister Prudence Temperance - acolyte nun - Alexandra Dawkins

Director: Jake Tkaczyk
Music: Paul Morgan Donald
Technical Magic: Olivia Bogaard
Synopsis: Jim Cej
Producer: Nicole Thibault

Act I

It’s been a week since Lindsay Edwards passed away. Donna, Debbie, Thomas, and Peter plan how to defend themselves from whoever wants them dead. Thomas is tempted to eat Donna’s poisoned bread. Thomas and Peter reveal that their enemies are Fritz and Donna’s brother, Mark. They can take Fritz but Mark is hers. Thomas realises that the person that hit Debbie in the face with a frying pan was her mother, Donna.

Audrey goes to Rev Grace. She reminds him that they met at a spa in Manitoba. When she puts her hand on his leg, he becomes excited. She recognises the sound he makes. He asks what she needs to know from the Lord. Am I a bad person? Yes. He feels that the Lord is testing him with Audrey. When he leaves to go change his pants, JFK arrives. Audrey is shocked to see the blood on his face. He explains that the blood isn’t his. Someone was shot sitting next to him. She can’t help herself throwing herself at men, including JFK.

Sr Prudence sits with Fritz. When he walks away, she blesses his footsteps. She tries to get him to confess to jaywalking. She is recording their conversation. She absolves Fritz and he feels a great weight has been lifted off his chest. They do some yoga.

At the Scissorins’, Lucille, Edwarda, and Mark debrief after their murder of Rusty and Perry. What if they all get into the energy business, killing people and cleaning up after them? They can destroy Thomas Edwards. Lucille and Edwarda consider murdering Mark, but he runs away first.

Donna and Rev Grace run into each other. Literally. She tells him that her husband was murdered. He feels her pain, like an empath. She also smashed her daughter in there face with a frying pan. By accident. When Donna becomes hysterical, he slaps her face. It’s better when it comes from the Lord.

Thomas, Peter, and Debbie can’t find Debbie. She’s too fast for them. Thomas explains how Debbie got hit my her mother using props. They have trouble deciding who will plat who in the reenaction, but Debbie connects with the frying pan to Peter’s head.

Audrey calls her mother about her interaction with Rev Grace. Mrs Montgomery won’t let her daughter visit her. She doesn’t even know if Audrey even loves her. Audrey deserted her mother after her father died, and she doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. She’s returned home. Audrey will call her mother every day until she lets her see her. JFK knocks at her door. He’s really turned on by Audrey. But who goes first? First, they put their hands on the middle… JFK confesses that he didn’t come there to be with her. He is in love with as young German man that lives on the Crescent.

Mark stumbles upon Sr Prudence and Fritz doing yoga. He asks if Fritz remembers when the killed that person. Fritz tries to get him to shut up. He’s going to give everything away! Fritz points out that even though they shot someone 16 times, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are dead. Mark asks the nun to cover her ears. He needs Fritz’s help with the people that are after him.

Donna runs into Lucille and Edwarda. She tells them that everyone is a killer now, and she needs their help. They all say who they want to kill at the count of three. They are all searching for the same person! Either each try separately or they all work together like Charlie’s Angels, which hasn’t happened yet.

After Debbie smashes her Uncle Peter in the face with a frying pan, Rev Grace lets himself in. Rev Grace does his stand-up routine for them. Everyone else delivers church jokes as well.

Audrey and JFK are out on the town. She will help him with Fritz, but he insists that she doesn’t tell anyone. He tells her that they were enemies and were shot down. They both found themselves deserted on the same island. At first they were ready to kill each other until they realised that the only thing different about them was where they were from. They stripped down and made mad, passionate love to each other.

Debbie runs into Edwarda. They are both looking for her uncle. They join forces, and decide how they are going to fuck him up.

Mark bangs on Fritz’s door. Oh, hi Mark! Remember when I told you there were 2 people trying to kill me? Now, it’s more like 8 people. He tells Fritz that he saw Thomas Edwards. He’s not dead! He tells them that they killed her brother instead of him. They’re going to solve this there old fashioned way. Fritz and Mark warm up to fight. They need to have another church fight so Thomas can beat the shit out of both of them. He calls the congregation together. Rev Grace officiates the fight between Mark and Fritz. There will be one knock down. Fritz says that the three of them have to fight, but Thomas has hidden away. Fritz gets blow in and hits Mark. Mark goes down, and everyone comes together to beat him.

Act II

At the church fight, JFK and Fritz saw each other across the room. Now, they awkwardly meet in the back alley. It’s been a long time! JFK is nervous. Fritz asks him what he is nervous about. Fritz tells him the there are some things he needs to tell JFK. He found a deep love with someone else. They went places that the two of them only scratched to surface of. JFK says that he didn’t kill Hildegard, but Fritz already knows. There are some things you can’t live with, and this may be one of them.

Sr Prudence is packing up her things when Rev Grace comes in. Is everything okay? “Church fight.” He explains what happened in the language of dance. He needs her guidance. They do some breathing exercises. In with the Lord, out with the devil. Sr Prudence has learned everything that she needed to learn from him, and it is time for her to leave. He wishes her well on her journey. But first, she has a package that she needs to send overseas.

Donna helps Mark recover from his beating, but then pulls a gun on her brother. You’ve ruined my family. You’ve always ruined my family. If he cracks one more joke about it, she’ll strangle him. He has one chance to make things good with her. One chance. He apologises, and tells her that he was trying to kill Thomas Edwards. Thank god. She knew that he couldn’t have done it on purpose. Mark could never hurt anyone in her family, but her brothers-in-law are fair game. She leaves to her car to get some medical supplies, but he has another visitor. It’s Lucille. She heard him bargaining. That comes before anger, I think. She wraps the phone cord around his throat. Edwarda enters with the poisoned bread. She said that she would clean up after Lucille. She leaves, but Mark’s not quite dead. He sure could use a slice of her banana bread. He takes a bite out of it. Eat the loaf. Eat the loaf.

Thomas and Peter are in the garden having escaped their own demise. That was fun! They feel like they could kill again. Debbie enters with a whoop! That was fun! Who are we going to murder next? Fritz! He killed Lindsay. Debbie wants to kill her mom. She wasn’t there for her when she had her first period. They can hear the sounds of passion of Fritz with someone. Thomas tells Debbie that it’s her mother with him Fritz and Peter enter, dishevelled. Thomas says that he just came out. He had no idea!

Rev Grace and Sr Prudence are at the post office. Audrey has been following them. Before Sr Prudence goes, Audrey wants one more word with her. She tells her that Fritz is really good at telling fairy tales. Audrey asks Rev Grace what he is doing later. What do you need? I was wondering if you’d like to go with her to a thermal spa on a mountain in Montreal. He is tempted, and runs off to change his pants again. Mrs Montgomery calls her daughter. She is ready to forgive. Almost. She’ll do anything. Her mother wants her to take her for a walk. She hasn’t been outside for 22 years. Audrey and her mother will get some cats! Mrs Montgomery already has a lot of cats. She hangs up. My mommy loves me!!

Donna comes back from her car to find Edwarda, but not Mark. She forgave her brother and she’s calling the murder off. Mistakes were made. Donna sees that there has been a bite taken out of the poisoned banana bread. Edwarda cared for Mark for many, many, many years. Were you the love of his life? No, of his Monday route. Donna’s not going to be fooled into eating her own banana bread. She pulls a gun on Donna. Donna hold it for her and shoots her in the head. Debbie runs in with her frying pan, but stops when she sees her mother with a gun. She tells her daughter that she killed Edwarda because she killed her father. Debbie takes the gun from her hands and shots her mother.

Sr Prudence is getting on the train, with Fritz in line behind her. Did you find everything you wanted in Magnolia Crescent? Yes. Just between the two of them, can she keep Fritz’s past a secret? Yes. He doesn’t know how he can repay for her kindness. When she starts to climb onboard, he tells her that he remembers the uniform she was wearing when they met in Germany. They pull guns on each other, but dodge all the bullets until they run out. They resort to fisticuffs. But first, can she perform her last rites one more time? She pulls a poison pill out of her beads and drinks it and dies.

At the bowling alley, Thomas and Peter reminisce about what happened. Remember when our brother got shot? And when you came out of the closet? It’s been one heck of an 8 week year! What would our father do if he could see us now. He’d probably yell at us and yell at us, like he always did.

What happens to them now?

Peter kept running the bowling alley, but now they host drag nights.

Thomas dodged death for many years, like a Highlander.

Lucille quit Avon and invested her money in energy stocks

Audrey looked after her mother until her dying day, when she finished her off.

After Debbie killed her mom, and her Uncle Thomas took her under her wing and trained her to become a killing machine.

Fritz opened a string of sex camps.

Rev Grace gave up the church and shaved off only moustache.

JFK became president and vowed never to sit by someone getting shot in the head again.