Oof-wiedersehen

Episode 7 - May 20, 2024

Donna Edwards - the best wife, the best mother - Stephanie Wolfe
Lindsay Edwards - her executive husband - Peter Brown
Debbie Edwards - their misunderstood daughter - Ellie Heath
Peter Edwards - Bowling alley owner - Tom Edwards
Thomas Edwards - ice cream shop owner - Lindsey Walker
Perry Scissorins III - neighbourhood pharmacist -Randy Brososky
Edwarda Scissorins - his wife, local hairdresser - Caley Suliak
Rusty Scissorins - Perry’s evil twin brother - Randy Brososky
Fritz Überalles - German immigrant - Cody Porter
Hildegard Überalles - his wife-  Jason Hardwick
Mark Carleton - Donna’s brother, the milkman - Joel Taras
Chet Whetpous - the pool boy - Breck Wiltshire
Lucile Slips - Neighbourhood Gossip and Mary Kay lady - Kelly Turner
Sarah Rose - Donna’s Sister from Europe - Alexandra Dawkins
John Fitzgerald Kennedy - US senator, presidential candidate - Breck Wiltshire
Sister Prudence Temperance - acolyte nun - Alexandra Dawkins

Director: Jake Tkaczyk
Music: Paul Morgan Donald
Technical Magic: Olivia Bogaard
Synopsis: Kirsten Throndson
Producer: Nicole Thibault

Act I

Fritz is visited by the ghost of Hildegard, comforting him, telling him not to cry. Magnolia Crescent has cost Fritz EVERYTHING, including his beloved Hildy. She will always be beside him though, in spirit.

Lindsey and Thomas pay a visit to their brother Peter at the bowling alley. They assure him that everything is fine- they’ve never been better! Peter sees right through their lies- he saw them murder Sarah Rose! Why did they do it? Lindsey was certain that Sarah would ruin his family. They all agree to tell their deepest secrets on the count of three, and Peter confesses that he set the rug on fire as a child. The brothers are sure that they will never keep secrets from each other again. Peter reveals that he is gay- it certainly isn’t as exciting as murder.

Donna Edwards is paying Fritz a visit. Fritz has a deep sadness within. And look! Edwarda’s here! She’s heard a rumour: a murder kind of rumour! There’s been another nun- she speaks *GERMAN*! Fritz is acting strangely! What’s going on with him? Well, there’s been a terrible accident. Thomas Edwards is responsible for Hildegard’s untimely death! He has had a hand in every murder that has happened in Magnolia Crescent- and he must be stopped! Maybe they can use his killing prowess- but how??

“Hey! I’m in Detroit! I’m gonna getcha!” Perry Scissorins III is in Detroit, alone. He runs into his twin brother, Rusty! What a coincidence. Rusty holds a switchblade to Perry’s neck! He’ll do anything not to die, and Rusty‘s not ready to kill him yet. Maybe neither of them should die. Perry and Rusty are glad to see each other, actually. It’s not the same without each other. They both see each other when they look in the mirror. They’re going to go back together to face their problem- the one that’s been bothering them their whole lives: dealing with the woman who crushed both their hearts. They’ll do anything. They deserve their own lives.

Debbie goes to her uncle Mark and Lucille Slips for help with her Rock n’ Roll band. Do they play any instruments? Do they want to be in her band! She used to be in a family band… but someone in the band murdered someone! And now Donna’s toe is broken. Maybe her dad is behind all of this! Debbie should smoke some reefer to CALM DOWN if she’s gonna be a real rocker.

Sister Prudence Temperance is paid a visit by Audrey Montgomery who has just gotten back to town. She has had a very difficult time, and is glad to see a sister of the Lord, with a huuuge rosary. Audrey is worried that the town won’t be happy to see her because of her past troubles. Sister Prudence is sure that the Lord is on Audrey’s side. She wonders if Audrey knows Fritz Uberalles- could she possibly deliver the giant rosary to him as a mourning gift. They sing a song about the Largest Rosary in the World:tm:.

Donna and Lindsey are debriefing after the fateful “toe accident”. There’s so much fishy stuff: rug burglars, murders, toe breakers. Uh oh! Debbie runs in, high on reefer, positing that it would be HILARIOUS to murder her dad. Lindsey plans to put Debbie in the bomb shelter until this all blows over! Debbie screams that she will run away instead. Lindsey thinks that maybe Debbie is the murderer! Hmmm….

Thomas Edwards is bowling with his brother, Peter. They bowl down some extra-large pins! Neither of them are excellent bowlers. They continue bowling while discussing the murderous pasts of Thomas and Lindsey. Hildegard was shot while Thomas was there, and Thomas is afraid that people are coming after him- and that he is developing a reputation as a murderer. Thomas needs Peter to protect him! He needs his brother to look after him in this witch hunt where he is the witch. How about having a bowling tournament? Then Peter can find all of the people that are looking at Thomas weirdly and shoot them! No one will know it’s Peter- just like no one knew it was him when he set the rug on fire as a child.

Everyone is at the church where Prudence leads the sermon. She reiterates the Reverend’s sermon from last week: when you have familial troubles: kill them! She sings the hymn: “When You See the Light of the Lord”. Everyone exits the church except for Lindsey and Thomas Edwards. They discuss the need for Peter to take the fall for their misdeeds and misdoings. And if their brother doesn’t succeed in their plan- they’ll murder him too! He’s either taking the fall, or he’ll be taking a fall. But who’s that? Mark and Fritz, holding guns, pointed straight at Thomas!!

Act II

We pick up right where we left off: Mark and Fritz point their guns at Thomas. Thomas gets off scot-free; saved by his brother, Lindsey, who stepped in front of the gunfire!! Lindsey wants Thomas to avenge him!!! Hildegard brings Lindsey into the afterlife. Turns out, everyone lives in their own hotel room in heaven. As Thomas cradles Lindsey’s dead body, Peter comes in. Peter immediately accuses Thomas of Lindsey’s murder. Thomas is adamant that it wasn’t him, so they agree to get REVENGE! Through a BOWLING COMPETITION! They will KILL THEM WITH BOWLING BALLS!

Audrey visits the Uberalles residence to deliver the rosary. Fritz is on edge, having just committed a murder. Audrey reminds him about the time when he picked Hildegard over her. He says it was “nothing personal”. She’s been thinking about him and the life they could’ve had. She’s wondering if he would tell his problems to the rosary- it’s only slightly soiled. He tells the classic story of the 2 German kinder who left a trail of breadcrumbs… Hansel and Gretel!

Thomas Edwards visits Donna and Debbie Edwards to break the news of Lindsey’s death. He breaks the news while munching on some banana bread. Is this some kind of cruel joke? No! The Edwards’ have never told a joke in their lives. He retells the story of the shooting while playing a game of “Sit, Stand, Lie Down”. Who did the shooting? It was Fritz and Mark, Donna’s brother! The horror!

Edwarda is shootin’ the breeze with Lucille Slips. Perry walks in, fresh from a trip to Detroit. Edwarda and Lucille aren’t sure if they’re talking to Perry or Rusty. Lucille is feeling trigger-happy, and wants to kill him. He doesn’t want Lucille to run Edwarda’s life: she should make her own decisions. Perry puts his glasses on- it really is Perry! But it’s too late, Lucille has already stabbed him, despite Edwarda’s pleas to stop.

Mark is in confession with Sister Prudence. He is confessing something different this time- not a sex thing- he thinks he finally killed Tom Edwards. He is elated! Thomas refuses to die, but he got him! And he had a German to help him. Sister Prudence is INTRIGUED, but she doesn’t have her special (recording) beads, so he has to come back in half an hour to confess again.

Fritz is wrapping up his story of Hansel and Gretel with Audrey. She is so bored that she begins to strangle him. Prudence runs in just as she is strangling him. She retrieves the beads- Jesus Christ!

Half an hour later, Debbie is sitting in the nun’s side of the confessional, where Mark Carlton is retelling his murder story. She is smoking the devil’s lettuce. She reveals herself through the little slit in the confessional booth. She may be high, but she’s gonna murder him!

Back in the Uberalles household, Fritz’s blood pressure is evening out. The sister is curious about Fritz’s past- how he came to America. He spent some time in the Central Americas, but had always heard about the American dream, so he came to Magnolia Crescent. She mentions the crossing of the street- it seems like a veiled accusation. Audrey threatens her with a loaf of bread. The sister is aware of his “yay-walking” in 1944 when crossing a street.

Thomas and Donna run into Debbie after the confessional. She knows that her Uncle Mark killed Lindsey, meaning to kill Thomas. Debbie remembers that her dad called Thomas a murder machine. Lucille comes in to ask Thomas how he is liking the guns and bowling balls that he purchased from her, which doesn’t help Debbie’s suspicions. In a twisted turn of events, Donna hits her daughter, Debbie, in the face with a frying pan.

Lucille helps Edwarda clean up the wounded Perry; but there is no healing him. All she can do is twist the knife like she’s corking a wine bottle. Rusty appears at the door. Lucille is certain that she wants to kill Rusty too! But Edwarda points the gun straight at Lucille.

Fritz is visited by Hildegard’s ghost. He has the taste for blood. These have been some of the darkest days of his life. He wishes that he had been taken with her; but she knows that he has to stay because there are so many people that have to die. Thomas Edwards is too hard to kill- Lucille Slips will have to give him a catapult

The living Edwards brothers are visited by the ghost of Lindsey- they have to do lots of killing on his behalf. It has to be more serious than killing with bowling balls, it has to be dynamite.

Lucille is at Edwarda’s gunpoint. She accidentally shoots Perry’s corpse. Lucille cuts Edwarda’s weapons allowance off, she finds the whole thing creepy. She leaves a bottle (full of poison) behind the door as a going away present. Rusty and Edwarda are left alone- she doesn’t even know who he is anymore! All she wanted was a life in Magnolia Crescent. She fetches the bottle from the front door. She wasn’t enough for either of them, and so she’ll make the choice for all of them- and launches the (poison) bottle!

All Photos by: Janna Hove