Slopey Seconds

January 29, 2024

Don Dolla de Montagne (Nonagenarian mountain owner) - Randy Brososky
Diamond de Montagne (His wife, ski ballerina, darling of the last Olympics) - Delia Barnett
Debra Bland (His daughter, ski mom and Chet’s coach) - Stephanie Wolfe
Dennis “Rocky” Bland - (Ski dad) - Peter Brown
Dennis “Chet” Bland Jr (Ski ballet prodigy that can’t actually ski) - Joel Taras
Bethany Bland (Star of the sitcom “All in the Household”) - Kirsten Throndson
Angel Delorean (Family lawyer) - Tom Edwards
Bronc Convoy (Don’s nephew, Assistant deputy, assistant ski patrol) - Cody Porter
Dr Misty La’Croix (Entertainer in the Slalom Lounge and volunteer medic) -Lindsey Walker
Sam Ollier (Maitre’d and concierge) - Jason Hardwick
Fletch Avalanche (Actor researching ski cop for an action movie) - Vince Forcier
Nonya Byness (Foreign diplomat) - Nikki Hulowski
Poppy Johnson (Small town sweepstakes winner) - Rebecca Bissonnette

Director - Jake Tkaczyk
Original Music - Paul Morgan Donald
Technical Magic - Nichole Man
Synopsis -the one and only Jim Cej
Producer - Nicole Thibault
Photos - Janna Hove

Act I

After telling Mr Misty about the plans that Diamond and Angel have to off her husband, Bronc gets a letter from Dr Misty. He made her life a mystery, but now it’s a quagmire. He has to give her and Sam some space. Debra finds Bronc, and she tells him that she has always been concerned about him. The only way he can get out of being sad, you just have to go there. She thinks. She’s never been sad. Bronc may be the shame of the family, but he can still be proud of his choices. He has a secret that can bring down the whole mountain. Bronc tells her that he heard Angel and Diamond talking and he’s not sure what they said but… Debra says that there are metaphorical bodies in closets. Bronc reminds her that one of his jobs is to find those metaphorical bodies. She sings of her family, The Blands are not bland. Debra tells him to follow the money.

Poppy and Nonya arrive after their trip to the chalet after 1.5 hours on the bus and 1.5 hours on the gondola. Poppy rambles on nervously about the trip to the mountain, and Nonya, and make up, and skiing. Sprechen sie Deutsch? I don’t know how to say no in that language. Nine. Wait a minute…

Bethany practices reading some sides for an audition. “I already told you that I don’t want to take part in your Jello making class.” Her father Rocky gushes over her different takes of the line. Are you coaching me?!? It feels like exactly what you do with Chet. Well, Chet is like Rocky, kind of sad and lost. You’re like your mom. She has everything figured out. The only reason that Bethany has everything figured out is because her parents left her in a trailer in Hollywood. Why don’t you ever visit me? You don’t want your dad hanging around your Winnebago. That’s EXACTLY what I want. She is preparing for a really big audition. If you went to a movie theatre instead of on TV, you might be able to see her on the big screen. She asks Rocky to be her scene partner. He’s the best dad, because he is her dad. He reads the scene with her.

Diamond and Angel know how close Chet his to his grandfather. They have been thinking about how their plan is going to work. They need to bring another person in. But who? Not one off the nincompoops from around here. They need someone desperate. That would like to get away from their parents. Chet!! He hears his name and invites them into his cabin. He shows them around. The chairs that he got from the Hindenburg, his ghetto blaster… They tell him that he should team up with them. They’re going to take everything away from Don Dolla. Let me get this straight. You want me to betray his grandfather? What do you say, Chet? He’s going to have to think it over. In a way, you’d be helping him! It’s the way of the mountain. Reach inside, grab your anger, push your future. There is an announcement. NOW IS THE TIME to clear off of the gondola. NOW.

Bronc is in an interrogation with Fletch Avalanche. When you were in that truck sequence and you were teetering on top of the 18 wheeler and jumped into the Porsche, was that all in one take? Fletch tell him that he is researching for a part like you. Bronc gives Fletch some acting tips. He shows him how he puts on his sunglasses. Fletch is a quick learner. Bronc pulls out a joint. Fletch says that he’s under arrest. Just kidding! Fletch takes a toke an collapses. Fletch, you’re not used to this mountain weed and the thin air.

Poppy stumbles upon Bethany and her dad running lines. OH MY GOD! You’re you! I watch your show all the time! Rocky has her do some breathing exercises to relax. Bethany signs an 8x10 for her. She’d like a hug. Rocky has his daughter hug him and he passes it on. Bethany says that they’re working on an audition. CAN I WATCH?? I promise that I won’t make a sound. Can you tell me what you’re auditioning for? It’s a secret project. The last thing she says before she is silent is I love you very much. Rocky passes it on to his daughter. You both said that you love me! Rocky says that he thinks everyone in this room was telling the truth. Poppy believes what she says about the jello making class. Rocky tells Bethany that Poppy needs two be at all their rehearsals.

Debra is practicing shooting many apples off of a fence. Nonya watches her and tells her that she is a good shot. Don’t shoot me, I’m not a bear, I’m just in a fur coat. Debra practices shooting at skiers on the hill. When she hits one, Debra says that it’s ok, they’ll wake up after a while. Nonya sees Bronc and says that she would like to take that moustache out for a ride. Debra and Nonya become fast friends. In Germany, everyone would be falling at Debra’s feet. Debra tells her that her family own the mountain.

Everyone is enjoying their apres-ski in the hotel lobby. Everyone except Rocky. They play some music, but Don Dolla has recorded over their Level 42 tape. He has run away from the mountain. He’s not dead, but no one can find me. Except maybe next week. His daughter and wife argue about who drove him away. Bronc tells Diamond that he thought she was a far out babe, but last week he heard what she and Angel talked about. She tells I’m that he’s high. Rocky says that he wasn’t high when Bronc told him about it. Everyone has their eyes on Diamond. She’s used to having everyone’s eyes on her. She’s a gold medallist. Rocky says that maybe she’ll gat a gold medal in going to jail.

Act II

Angel, Chet, and Diamond need to get their story straight. Chet thinks that people may be on to them. They need to pass everything off to Bronc. The problem is how they are going to do it. Diamond says not to tell her so she won’t have culpable liability. Angel says that they should get Don Dolla to ski again and get him on a double diamond mogul course, and just push him down the mountain. Then they take his body and carry it down the hill. Chet will inherit it all, but e’ll give them some! They call Diamond over and tell her that they have a plan, which they show her in interpretive dance.

Rocky and Debra are join a heated discussion over what to do now that Don Dolla has run away. To centre themselves again, they hold hands and say how they feel about each other. That was worth $200. She thinks that maybe Chet has figured it out. A phone rings. Someone is calling asking the hours of the ski resort. Rocky hangs up on them. What if someone has told him about Claudine, her twin sister and that she wanted them to look after little Bartholomew. Make a skier out of him. Rocky could only tell them apart by Claudine’s lisp. They have make sure that he doesn’t find out that she’s his real mother. It would kill her father, too. He didn’t know that he had twins.

Poppy is reading sides with Bethany. It is her honour to work with her. Bethany has been talking to a wall. Lucky wall. Bethany gives Poppy some notes, so she has something to work off of. Poppy is a little intense, and Fletch overhears them. Bethany asks Poppy to leave them alone for a minute. When she leaves, they ask each other what they are doing there? Her parents own the place, but he never thought that he’s find her there. She didn’t leave him in a good place. He couldn’t act for a whole year! Bethany says that stunt work and acting are not the same thing. Maybe when she sees him as an actor AND a stunt man, she’ll change her mind. It’s not that she doesn’t love him… Fletch asks her what happened between them. Have you moved on? No, she’s related to everyone here. She tells him that she’s getting ready to audition for a movie. It’s an action packed film. Maybe she could get him a job and he could do his own stunts. He can’t tell her that he’s already been cast in the movie. He’ll see her at her next audition rehearsal. He’s looking forward to it.

Nonya and Bronco ride the gondola. She “falls” into his lap. He tells her that it’s so nice to have her energy at the lodge. They were going to have a dance party, but it turned into a pit of vipers. Nonya thought that the old man had a good beat, though. He almost spills the beans about Fletch. They touch hands, and magic! She can smell a woman on him. Someone named Claudine. He doesn’t know if her giant blue ring means that she is betrothed. She is just enjoying her moustache ride together. When she mentions bear wrestling, Bronc gets emotional. He cares so much about the animals. She wants to ride this moustache to the end of the gondola.

Debra and Diamond run into each other in the hotel hallway. There is an uncomfortable silence. Diamond isn’t used to being a mom, and Debra’s been a mother… Debra says that Diamond could be her daughter. But I’m married to your father? Diamond have to support her. She’s the next logical heir to her father. Why did you marry her father? Diamond is beautiful and he’s a crusty old man. There something about being so beautiful and humble. Sometimes you just want someone that can make you laugh. Really? Really, really really? Debra is funny like him. She is so like him. Debra has had to protect him in the past. By any means necessary? There are no bodies in the snow here. Debra’s words say that there aren’t but her eyes say that there are. Debra says that if it happened once, it could happen again. Are you threatening me? Diamond just wants a home, and skiing is not a team sport. Debra says that she had to work for everything that she has. Do you think that I haven’t? Don’t you think I haven’t earned what I have? They’re not so different. They’re kind of the same.

Chet and Angel talk over their plans, but Rocky joins them. They’re just guys in ski gear and glasses. Chet says that his dad could join them, but they have an engagement. Rocky says that his son is a terrible liar. Chet’s not on Angel’s side now. Now? What do you mean now? There are things that Angel can teach him. It’s like that current popular movie Star Wars, when the guy has to choose between the good side and the dark side. They force Chet to make a decision. It’ll be like when a dog has to decide which parent it like the best. He likes his dad best.

Bethany fills Poppy in on what happened between her and Fletch. You’re actually going to tell me? Who else am I going to tell, my dad? She and Fletch have known each other for 6 and a half years. He was so kind. He was the stunt coordinator for her first stunt on her show. It grew from there. He’s trying to make it as an actor, but she’s… The phone rings. A lisping woman asks to speak to Dennis Bland. Did you say Dennis or Debra? Neither one are here. Who are you? I’m their daughter. They don’t have a daughter. I must have the wrong number.