Turn Your Head and Cough
(Episode 6)
River City Staff
Jaqueline Walsh, PHD (Head Administrator): Stephanie Wolfe
Philadelphia Jones (Chief Resident):
Rebecca Bissonnette
Phyllis Jones (Pharmacist):
Delia Barnett
Doug (The Custodian):
Kristi Hansen
Katie Cross (Hospital Parishioner):
Rebecca Merkley
Dr. Damian Mallet (General Surgeon):
Tom Edwards
Susan Wilson (Malpractice Lawyer):
Kirsten Throndson
Dr. Anita Brah (Surgeon):
Kalyn Miles
Nurse Lillian Hope (Nurse):
Jason Hardwick
Dr. Patrick Chathams (Pediatrician):
Vincent Forcier
Dr. Justin Justice (cardiologist):
Mike Cox
Dr. Seattle Frasier (Definitely a Psychiatrist):
Gordie Lucius
Dr. Jason Quesnell (Totally a Doctor):
Jesse Gervais
Sam St. James (Slick Political Consultant):
Christine DeWitt
Nurse Meredith Grace (Nurse):
Nikki Hulowski
Dr. Denny Tures (Dentist):
Kelly Turner
Rachel Rosenbaum (Pregnant Mother)
Ashley Botting
Joel Rosenbaum (Pregnant Father):
Ron Pederson
Expertly Crafted Synopsis Writer:
Jim Cej
Die-Nasty Photographer :
Janna Hove
Act 1
Dr Damian Mallet is in a coma. As he sits between life and death, he describes the sensations and emotions. Jacqueline Walsh feels regret and confusion after shooting Dr Damian Mallet. Is there a Burger Baron in the wormhole that Damian has found himself in? They are both hungry. Jacqueline cries out. She is sorry for shooting him.
The fake doctors Jason Quesnell and Seattle Frasier have been assigned to operate on Dr Damian Mallet. He just lies there, gurgling. They perform a tracheotomy, that just leaves blood pouring from his throat. Dr Philadelphia enters the operating room, wondering what is going on. She sees that they are operating on her nemesis, Dr Mallet. He has left more sponges in patients than anyone! As payback, they stuff various items in his chest cavity. Jason Quesnell flees, saying that if Dr Mallet dies, it is on their heads. Damian revives, and tells Dr Philadelphia Jones that he loves her.
Susan Wilson has some files for nurses Lillian Hope and Meredith Grace. They play charades to guess what secrets she holds, but get the message completely wrong. Lillian didn’t have a baby! They decide to just read the file instead. Jacqueline is in cahoots with Dr Justin Justice, Lillian and Meredith’s brother!
Doug and Sam St James enter the mysterious blood room. If they do this, there is no turning back. What does Doug owe Sam in return for bringing back her brother? He must work towards privatization. Sam warns him that he won’t recognize his brother. He will be a being of coagulated blood. Doug gives Sam his union card. Sam tears it up.
Jacqueline meets with Dr Denny Tures. Using her history is the field of dentistry, she tells Jacqueline how to charge patients for EVERYTHING! Jacqueline asks Dr Tures if she is a bad person. No! You are the only person standing for anything. The only thing Dr Denny has ever wanted was to get her appendix removed and go shopping afterwards. You need money to live. You need to pay for what you get in life.
Dr Jason Quesnell runs away from the operating room in a panic. Rachel and Joel Rosenbaum are also running in the hallway. She is sure that there is something wrong with the baby. She’s been pregnant for 14 months. Jason can hear two heartbeats, so it’s either one baby with 2 hearts or… Rachel confesses that she was with another man while she has been pregnant. Gordon Farquhar! He is the father of the other child. While her husband and Dr Jason decide what to do, she kills Gordon.
Dr Mallet has just told Dr Philadelphia Jones that he loves her. She asks him to tell her her name. Philadelphia. Cincinnati? Dr Mallet sings that things are happening so fast, he can barely keep up with his emotions. He has always had this feeling inside of him.
Susan, Lillian and Meredith confront Jacqueline and Dr Denny Tures. They want some answers. They know that she is in cahoots with her brother. Meredith calls Jacqueline a witch and Dr Denny defends Jacqueline by choking Meredith. She likes it! Susan says that Jacqueline has been appropriating funds from the hospital. Dr Denny tries to choke her as well. Lillian and Meredith know why she is in cahoots with Jason. She is the one responsible for taking Dr Justin away from the other two when they were born!
Dr Seattle sits in the cafeteria when he meets Rachel Rosenbaum. She is waiting for her lover to pick her up. He shows her his Rorschach test, and all she sees is dicks. He is fascinated by her. When she introduced herself as Rachel Rosenbaum, Dr Seattle asks for how much longer. She lights a cigarette and tells him that there in room in her for one more…
Joel Rosenbaum is lost in the hospital, and stumbles into the blood room, where he finds Sam and Doug performing their rite. Joel screams! He’s not good with blood, and faints. Now that they have a host body, Sam tells Doug that they can use him as a vessel for Doug’s brother, Dustin. They finish their ritual. Joel opens his eyes and Dustin asks his brother, “How’s it going?”
Act 2
Dr Damian and Philadelphia are in the bloom of new love. He tells her what happened when he was in a coms. They only time that she ever saw wormholes was when she was high on sugar. Dr Philadelphia made a promise with Lillian that she wouldn’t start using again. He asks her what it feels like, saving his life. He thought he was gone. The last time they were in an operating room together, someone died. They reminisce about the banana and tape they used in Phyllis’s surgery. Dr Philadelphia sits in Damian’s lap in the wheelchair. They share a moment. She confesses that when saw that it was him on the table, she turned to run. She has heard about his children with Katie Cross. He had kids and then got shot by Jacqueline. Is she just number three as he works his way through the hospital? How much higher can he count. He can go to four. That’s not the answer that she wanted to hear. She can be his number one, if she wants to be.
Jacqueline is in the hospital bar, getting drunk when Dr Tures finds him. She saved her ass today many times! Why does everybody hate me here? Who hates you?!? Dr Tures can kill them with her bare hands. Well, she does wear latex gloves. They won’t be able to identify the bodies from their dental records. It all started the she was 6 years old and her friend had a wiggly tooth. She had heard that she would get a loonie for every tooth she lost, but all of her teeth were in there, solid. She got all her friend’s teeth. $32! Jacqueline says that Dr Tures found an opportunity and took advantage of it. They both get each other. Denny says that she’s got here. She’ll have her.
Dr Seattle and Rachel are in a post coital glow. He confesses that he’s not a real doctor. What? I’m pregnant with a commoner’s child?!? He’s confesses that he is a con man. He’s been lying to survive. That must be rough. Why do you do it? When he was younger, he was an outcast and tried to be a busker. Did you know that you need a license? He was busking outside of When Pigs Fly, but he didn’t really know how to play an instrument. He’s always been a fraud. But no more lies! At least with you. He’ll still lie with everyone else. Seattle promises that he will always tell her that truth. She’ll divorce Joel and they’ll live off the alimony.
Doug and Sam congratulate themselves on reviving Dustin. Dustin has snuck away. Now Sam will make him pay in the blood room. Doug swings his broom at Sam.
Dr Jason runs into Joel/Dustin in the cafeteria. Dustin is thrilled with his new body. He has a seizure and becomes Joel again. He has to play two characters! I bet you thought you’re going to have it easy! Dr Jason performs surgery on Joel to get rid of Dustin. There is a rebirth, and we hear Woody Allen’s voice.
Doug swings his broom at Sam, but he has some of his own tricks up his sleeve. He conquers Doug! Sam is the custodian of the blood room now!
Lillian, Meredith and Susan toast to their success. An elated Rachel dances in. She is in love. Again! Lillian is a nurse. She can tell that Rachel is pregnant. Isn’t love wonderful? Lillian was in love with a pediatrician, but he doesn’t love her anymore. Susan doesn’t have anybody, and Meredith is more of a homewrecker. She suggests a sleepover in the blood room. Rachel would love to. It sounds so normal!
Since she doesn’t have anyone, everyone in the cast is about to fall in love with her irresistibly. They chant Susan! Susan! Susan! Everyone is attracted to her by something different.
A giddy Rachel Rosenbaum runs into Joel, restored to his former self. He calls her Rebecca. They fight. How can they stop this cycle? You fall in love with someone in every hospital that they go to. He tells her to get off of the floor. She gets him to join her. Can they start over again? Hi, I’m Joel. I’m RACHEL. She made love to another, but she thought of Joel the whole time. She sees his dick everywhere, even in Rorschach tests. Joel confesses that he has never satisfied a woman. She knows, she gets the emails. They talk about their jobs. She runs a marketing firm. Ummm… he’s an agricultural librarian. He asks if she will make him a better man. She’ll try. He promises that he will love all the children inside her. Really? Well, if I don’t I’ll never hear the end of it.
Susan, Lillian and Meredith go to the blood room for their sleepover. Sam says that it’s not the blood room any longer. It’s his den of power! There is no escape. They need to make a blood oath to leave! They are all are enveloped in a mass of blood.
The blood monster wreaks havoc in the hospital, and runs into Jacqueline. Sam emerges and asks if she is with them or against them. She is with them, and is enveloped into the blood monster, as is Dr Jason when he tries to defend her. It is attracted to Susan! Doug cries union power and destroys the monster, but is mortally wounded. His last words are C..U…P….E…..