Act I

Orestes and Geneva discuss their plans to run away together. Orestes doesn’t think he can do this much longer.

Their parents have been on their cases. Maybe they can get them to agree on something? Ned Beaumont hides in the tall grasses and listens in. Orestes can hear the coughing lions nearby. They can protect each other from them, and hug, finally. Ned Beaumont has heard enough. Do they know how much trouble they can get in because of their rendezvous? Ned Beaumont tells Orestes that if he gets any closer to the family, He’ll have to do the part of his job that he hates the most - cleaning up dead bodies.

Jenny Ducane has a few questions for Carol Archer. Carol offers her a drink. She’s not supposed to drink on the job, but what the hell. Jenny thinks that the last time they talked, Carol was being evasive. Evasive? That’s just her personality. Jenny says that there have been some Frogeyes disappearances and dead bodies. Has anyone suspicious been around the office lately? That describes our clientele. Carol hasn’t seen Lew for a couple of weeks. He said that he’d be back in a while. Does he have a history of taking off for a while? Has anyone died in this office? Not yet…

Carol goes to the Grossman estate to speak with Geneva. What are they going to do about all these bodies? The Frogeyes people? Desiree?? Geneva doesn’t know anything about where Desiree is. If she knew, she would tell Carol. When was the last time she saw her? 2 or 3 weeks ago, at her house. What was she doing? Lounging. Geneva went over and had a drink, and she showed her her curio cabinet. I guess it wasn’t really all her stuff…

Danvers takes Handy Andy’s cab to the Nepo Club to look for Geneva. Danvers likes his cab. It’s very compact. It was Andy’s mother. Danvers thinks they have a rapport. She’s meeting a friend at the Nepo Club. Would Andy like to be their friend? I can say something and you can share something back. Danvers is going to meet Geneva at the Club. How long have you two been friends? Quite a while. We’re old family friends. Andy shares what Piglet said about friendship with Pooh. Can he be their Piglet to their Pooh?

Carol spills her troubles to Carl Perkins in the bar downstairs, while Ned Beaumont nurses a drink. Do you known when your boss up and leaves you? He’s been gone for two weeks. Ned tells Carol that he hasn’t seen Big Daddy for years.  How big is he? Does he feel big? What’s his soul like? Smoke. Tar. The essence of dark. Carol asks if it’s THE Big Daddy. Yes. Ned Beaumont says he’s the biggest daddy that you’ve ever seen. What stays in the Vegas, stays in the Vegas. Carol dares Ned Beaumont to prank call Big Daddy. He calls about the lingerie he bought in Vegas. Big Daddy asks who’s calling. They laugh and hang up. Ned Beaumont tells them that Big Daddy is never coming back.

Geneva, Orestes, and Jenny line up outside the Nepo Club. Jenny’s under so much pressure at her new job. If Orestes complains that if he is doing so well, why isn’t he in charge of everything? Geneva points out that they’re both small. Small, but feisty! They can hide and pop out at people and they reminisce about the times that they’ve popped out at people. They talk about family secrets, while Jenny jots everything down. Orestes is upset that Jenny thinks that he is short.

Since his chauffeur is at a convention, Hugo hires Andy’s cab to go to the office. He drives dramatically. Andy used to be a race car driver until there was the cadaver incident. It was found in the trunk of his car. It wasn’t his, and he didn’t know how it got there. As they race along, they can hear sirens pursuing them.

Act II

Orestes and Ned Beaumont both stand in for the men that really run things. Orestes brings flowers to throw on Ned Beaumont’s grave. Ned Beaumont kicks them away. They power trip. The General is not happy. He hasn’t heard anything from Big Daddy. They are on opposite sides, but they still need to stay in communication. Remember, what stays in Vegas, stays in Vegas. The General is worried about Big Daddy’s health. He just has a cough. Is he trying to start a pandemic? Ned Beaumont hasn’t seen the General in a long time. The General has been here all along. Andy arrives to drive one of them home. How long have you been there? What stays in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Orestes recognizes Andy. He’s driven a lot on people around. What stays in the cab, stays on the cab. Ned Beaumont thinks Andy is as cold as hell.

Jenny Ducane stops in for a drink at the police officer’s bar. Carl works there as well. He finger mixes her a drink. She’d like a rim job as well. Carl thinks she is just crazy and Jenny gets filthier and filthier. You know what I mean? She plants a big kiss on Carl.

Andy gets a dispatch from Carol. She wants her to drive her to the Puffin Club. It’s been a long time. Touché. Andy tells her that he’s a changed person now. The GPS is broken, so Andy asks Carol to come in the front seat and be his navigator. Andy apologizes about what happened at the racetrack. He knows that he hurt her, and he didn’t mean to. He broke her heart and his wife’s heart and his own too, if he’s being honest. But he’s been in therapy and is changed person, if Carol will give him a chance. Let’s take this one ride at a time. Touché.

Orestes and Geneva meet inside the McGuffin mansion. Danvers catches them. It’s odd, since they don’t live there. They need someplace to hide. From who? Everyone. Danvers asks if Geneva is in trouble. Not yet. Geneva says that Orestes’s nice. To show that he can be trusted, Danvers says that he has to use Danvers and Geneva’s secret handshake, which he executes flawlessly. They need place that they can escape to. Someplace no one knows about, not even you. Danvers tells them to blindfold them and they will take them there.

Everyone is at the Puffin Club, on their best behaviour. Carl asks who wants their drink set on fire. Everyone want some music. Doesn’t Carl Perkins know how to play the guitar. He remembers back when he was embarrassed by playing the guitar in high school. Now when someone mentions the guitar, he gets crazy. Someone says guitar.

Danvers leads Geneva and Orestes to the secret secret hideout. He has second thoughts about the whole thing. Danvers makes them commit and tells them to marry each other on the spot RIGHT NOW. Danvers is an ordained minister and performs the ceremony. Does Geneva take Orestes to be her lawfully wedded husband? She does. Does Orestes take Geneva to be his lawfully wedded wife? Orestes is unsure, but says I do. They seal their bond with a kiss. Danvers takes them to a room where they can either copulate or leave, it’s up to them.

Jenny gets a ride home from Handy Andy. They talk about the mayhem in the Puffin Club. Jenny sighs and Andy asks if she is okay. Have you ever had one of those days that’s just a mixed bag. One minute you’re speaking with someone evasive, the next you’re getting a rim job from someone that explodes. Life is full of twists and turns. That’s why Andy drives cab. Jenny says that you have to talk to the strangest people when you’re a detective. Why can’t I find a blabbermouth? Andy tells her about a cadaver that looked a lot like his little brother. Jenny asks about the person who has the cadaver in their car. They were a vegan before it was cool. It’s going to take off. Jenny may have had one too many rim jobs, but was the person with the cadaver in their car you?

Hugo reads the paper at home. Rats Have Taken Over the South Side. He didn’t know that, and it’s his paper. Danvers silently comes up behind him and gives Hugo a drink. He noticed a light on in the attic last night. No one goes there! It must have been a trick of the light. He can afford it, but what’s going on up there. Are you painting? Are you having a party. Danvers had a painter’s party. He’d love to see some of their work. He’s been in the newspaper business long enough to know when someone is lying. They can confide in him. What’s going on? They haven’t been having a paint party. They officiated a wedding. Of two people that shouldn’t be together. Touché. Are you marrying the cab driver. Yes. You’re lying again!

Carol tries calling Lew on the phone. Where is he? She needs him! Ned Beaumont walks in from the shadows. They had fun making that prank call. it’s fun, until someone gets hurt. Ned Beaumont tells her to stay away from Geneva. If you make her sing one more time, he’ll make Carol un-sing. There is a knock at the door. Someone comes in. They saw a sign on the office door that Carol was downstairs drinking. It is Hans Gruber Frogeyes. He has something to tell her about the bodies that have been found, and it’s really, really important. A shot rings out, and Hans collapses to the ground, dead.